Eight for 2008
His Grace, Archbishop Cranmer has tagged me to respond to a meme over at his site. His Grace’s eight wishes for 2008 are as follows:
1 There shall be some cataclysm in British politics whereby a general election shall be called and David Cameron shall be victor.
2 He shall rule with a rod of iron and lead a truly reforming government in accordance with all the principles and in the best tradition of Conservative political philosophy. This includes inter alia the de-politicisation of the NHS, all schools to be made independent, the privatisation of the BBC, and the UK shall renegotiate its relationship with the EU and revert to the status which carries the assent of the British people which is that of a trading partner.
3 The Church of England shall reassert itself as the spiritual heart and the moral voice of the nation once again, and its pews shall be filled to overflowing (Cranmer realises that this may demand a change in leadership, and so his desire is for the Most Rev Michael Nazir-Ali, Bishop of Rochester, to become Archbishop of Canterbury).
4 Boris Johnson shall become Mayor of London and show himself to be a politician of gravitas and considerable intellectual ability.
5 The summer shall be long and hot, with plenty of cricket and warm beer.
6 There shall be a white Christmas, just like the ones Cranmer used to know, where the tree tops glisten, and children listen…
7 Cranmer shall receive news in the New Year’s honours list of his long-overdue peerage, if only so he can show those bishops in the House of Lords how to do it properly.
8 Jesus shall return, and the government shall be upon his shoulder (ably assisted by Cranmer in the Lords).
Hmmm…. The original meme from Iain Dale was a list of 8 predictions, so to even the balance I shall do 4 predictions and 4 wishes. Are you ready? Then I’ll begin…
- There will be no General Election and we will lumber on for 12 more months with Gordon Brown as Prime Minister and Labour down in the polls. While there may be some speculation of a challenge to Brown, the Labour Party won’t be stupid enough to look like the Lib Dems (i.e. a bunch of no-hopers who change leader as often as their socks).
- Peter Akinola et al will turn up to Lambeth 2008 after a rather successful Conference in the Holy Land. The gathering of Bishops from across the world in Canterbury will prove to actually be a landmark occasion with Lambeth 98 1:10 being reaffirmed by a large majority and the Covenant being approved in a form that makes it impossible for the heretics in TEC and Canada to maintain any meaningful position in the Communion.
- A child will be born to Revd and Dr Ould in early May. The government will NOT be upon his shoulders (as it weighs far too much and Peter’s child will follow her daddy in being a back-room workings kind of person). Peter will continue referring to Ould Jr as “him” and then “her” without rhyme or reason and only the parents will know the sex before it is displayed for all (in the delivery room) to see.
(Yes, I know that’s not much of a prediction but I am the kind of chap who likes easy gambles)
- Austria will not even manage to scrape through to the second round of the Euro 2008 championships, but given that their appearance for the first time in the tournament is down to them being the hosts, that’s not surprising. The final will be between Germany and Italy.
Wishes (with likelihood)
- Rowan Williams makes a very clear public condemnation of the leadership of TEC which will leave the liberals in the Church of England absolutely spitting – possible
- Sheffield United have an absolute blinder of a second half of the season and gain promotion from the Championship to the Premiership. Conversely Sheffield Wednesday end up bottom and are relegated to League Division One – slight chance
- The Local Government Association makes a clear unanimous announcement that every single Council will publicly celebrate and promote Christmas in 2008- fantasy
- I get a fantastic stipendary job where I can carry on doing my specialised pastoral work and other stuff not as an extra to my parish work but rather as a full time occupation – pipedream