How to make your child a gay activist

Eve Tushnet has my kind of tongue-in-cheek style…

2. Let your kid think your love is conditional. Again, you don’t even have to say this out loud. Many kids just assume, unless they’re told differently, that they’ll only be loved if they do what you want.

Best of all, your child will guess that God’s love is conditional too.

6. The only good gay is an ex-gay! For minors, why not try ex-gay camp? Send your kid to a remote location, where he’ll enjoy outdoorsy, macho, sweaty activities with other virile, same-sex attracted boys. That’ll cure him! (The best camps don’t let the kids listen to anything but Contemporary Christian music–none of this fairycake Mozart business.)

If you can’t find a good camp, at least try counseling. Your daughter can still learn to be a Real Woman–with dresses and everything! (Jesus likes it when girls wear dresses.) Be sure your kid understands that if she doesn’t become heterosexual, she has no chance of being chaste.

9. Most importantly, don’t pray. Don’t pray for your kid. Don’t pray for yourself. Don’t pray that you can model Christ’s love to your child. Don’t pray that your child will be a source of grace and blessing for others (including his boyfriend or her girlfriend–definitely don’t pray for God to bless those awful people!). If you absolutely must pray, just pray that your child will realize exactly how wrong he is and exactly how right you are.

That’s what Someone would want.

Go and read, and inwardly digest the whole thing. It’s clever and it’s right.

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