Losing Zachary

The more observant of you will have noticed that my blogging over the past month hasn’t been as prolific as normal. I’m now in a position to tell you what’s been occupying us for the past month and give you an opportunity to meet, and say goodbye, to our second son.

At the back-end of August we went for a routine 12 week scan for our new pregnancy. At the scan the physicians noticed that the baby had a large nuchal fold, the indicator of either a chromosomal abnormality of structural issues with the major organs. We had a blood test done for hormone levels which came back less than two days later indicating very low amounts of the normal hormones that are present in a pregnant woman. We were offered a placenta biopsy, an invasive technique where a sample of the placenta is taken and then analysed (as a baby’s placenta is genetically identical to the baby itself). Although the procedure comes with a slight risk of miscarriage, we were told from the bloods and nuchal fold analysis that there was already a large chance that the pregnancy would abort early. After prayer we decided to go for the biopsy and in the process experienced the NHS at its best, as we spoke to our specialist midwife at 10:30 in the morning and within five minutes had an appointment in one of the leading hospitals in London for two that afternoon.

That was on a Thursday, and we spent an anxious weekend waiting for the preliminary results which came back late Monday afternoon. We had a boy, but he had Edwards Syndrome (also known as Trisomy 18). Edwards Syndrome is a chromosomal condition where an extra copy of the 18th chromosome is present in many cells of the body. Later results would show that our son had a full Trisomy, which means that the genetic error occured on the first division of the newly fertilised cell, so every single cell in his body was corrupted.

The bottom line is that a full Trisomy 18 is fatal. Over half of Edwards children don’t make it to birth and for those that do the life expectancy is not even in days, but hours. In the light of this we were offered (in a professional and non-judgemental fashion) a termination, but as parents who trust Jesus and who believe in God’s sovereignty over our life and death, after checking that there was no danger to Gayle if we continued the pregnancy we decided to carry our son for as long as it took.

So as August closed we named our new boy Zachary Andreas (“God has remembered”, “Man”) and began the journey of preparing to give him life and watch him die. To say that the last five weeks have been hard would be an understatement. We have cried and cried. We have had good days but we have also had terrible nights yet throughout it all, even at the hardest moments, we have somehow known God’s presence and that we made the right choice in choosing to go through this time of suffering.

Zachary at 17 Weeks

Zachary this Friday at 17 weeks - He probably died about a week previously

This Friday we went to the hospital for a scan to see how Zachary was growing and discovered that his heart had stopped. To be honest, the first thing that hit me was a wierd mixture of grief and relief, grief that my son had died and relief that it had happened now rather than later. I think that’s a common feeling of parents who have gone through what we have and that’s OK. By any account, delivering a child that you know will die when you’ve gone full term is not an experience I envy of anybody. I know one or two couples that have chosen to do it and my respect for them is immense. We were prepared to do likewise, but it was not to be.

These next few days are going to be really tough for us and we’d value your prayers immensely. First Gayle is going to have to be induced to deliver Zachary and that may take three days or longer. Then we have to arrange a funeral and formally let go of our son into God’s gracious hands. I’ve done more than my share of kid’s funerals and now I know that unspeakable feeling that lies in the eyes of all the mothers and fathers that I’ve been with at those sad times.

I know many of you will want to share your good wishes for us. Please accept my apology now if I don’t give you a personal response but I do appreciate your love and care at this time.

I’ll leave you with a piece of music that I think sums up where we are right now and I’ll be back with you properly in a week or so.

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  • William

    Very sorry to read of your loss.

    “Rest eternal grant to him, O Lord, and may light perpetual shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.”

  • Philip Cole

    Peter and Gayle

    May the Lord comfort you and strengthen you with His presence and His love. My prayers are with you as you grieve the loss of Zachary. He is with the Lord!

  • http://www.twitter.com/cerebusboy cerebusboy

    Very sorry to hear that terrible news, Peter. Best wishes for yourself and Gayle in this difficult time. Praying for you all.

    ryan d.

    • http://seraph-says.blogspot.com seraph

      My condolences and prayers for you and your family.

      Seraph

  • http://www.collegejay.blogspot.com Jay

    Peter and Gayle,

    My prayers and condolences for you in this time,

    Jay

  • Pingback: » Losing Zachary 42 inches: But life is more than just measurements..

  • http://battlingchristian.blogspot.com/ Erik

    Dear Brother,

    It can be very diffilcut to know what to say during times such as these. But please know that I am praying for you and your wife. I have seen this happen within the church family on several occassions and although I haven’t gone through it myself I have conducted memorials and so I understand (somewhat) how dramatic this can be and how these can be challenges to our faith as we are posed with many difficult and often unanswerable questions.

    One of my former pastors went through this personally as well as had to deal with it pastorally. He subsequentlty preached a great sermon on our children’s place in the covenant and then published an chapter on in the subject. I highly recommend it: Charles McIlhenny, “Will My Child Go To Heaven?” in “To You and Your Children: Examining the Biblical Doctrine of Covenant Succession” Benjamin K. Wikner (editor) Canon Press (August 1, 2004).

    Grace & Peace,
    Erik

  • http://themercyblog.blogspot.com/ MikeF

    Oh, Peter, I’ve been where you are, and my prayers are with you both, with Zachary and with Reuben, truly. People often don’t understand the grief involved in losing a child before he or she has even been born, but it’s a very particular form of heartbreak. That beautiful song says it all…

    May Christ’s mercy hold you and keep you always

    Mike

  • Callum

    Oh Peter, I’m so terribly sorry. Thinking of all of you.

    CM

  • http://www.comforterchurch.org/about/blog Fr. J

    You’re facing what is my worst fear. But Jesus is with you, and He is with Zachary as well. May God watch over you and your family. My prayers are with you.

  • Saul

    May God comfort you and keep you. You’re strong folks, by the Grace of God.

  • Richard D

    Really sorry to hear this sad news. Praying for you all. I can’t imagine how you feel, but hope God and friends will be supporting you.

  • http://davidkeen.blogspot.com David Keen

    Peter, I’m ever so sorry to hear this, I pray that God will give you grace and strength enough for each day.

  • John J. O’Sullivan

    Oh my Lord…I’m very sorry to hear this and my heart bleeds for you. Your family is in my prayers. May the Great Lover of Souls be your comfort and may Light Perpetual ever shine upon your son.

    Memory Eternal!

    -j

  • http://mikes4tea.blogspot.com/ Mike Thomas

    Peter

    I am only just catching up with this news and Ann and I are so sorry for what you are suffering. Thanks so much for demonstrating the worth of a life and Christian maturity and wisdom. May the Lord keep you in his perfect love.

  • http://bishopalan.blogspot.com Bishop Alan Wilson

    Dear Peter, I’m so very sorry to hear your news — I had noticed you not cropping up as often in the feed, and wondered whether all was well. Thanks for your inspiration, consistency, love and courage as a family in the face of this terrible situation. All of you, including Zachary, are very much in our thoughts and prayers as you pick yourselves up and move on — love and prayers, as ever, +Alan

  • FrDarryl Jordan

    Dear Peter,

    I just saw your post. You, Gayle, Reuben and Zachary are in the Jordans’ prayers.

    Brother, we grieve with you, and we are also edified knowing that you and Gayle let Zachary Andreas die naturally. You two are such shining examples of orthodoxy to the Church. You’ve shown grace under pressure and people who know you know a little better what it means to support natural life, even when it’s a very short one with no potential utilitarian value.

    It will be such a joy to see the complete person God made Zachary Andreas to become at the Resurrection!

    Rest eternal grant to him O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon him. May he rest in peace, and rise in glory. Amen.

  • http://evemnash@yahoo.com Eve Nash

    Dear Peter and Gayle,

    How sad I was to learn of this news via SF a few weeks ago. May God hold you so, so close during this hard time.
    The gift of a child is such a dear and precious one…..it’s one of the sweetest things God does to us in this earthly lifetime…….. and though it seems cruel for Him to take it back, we can trust in his perfect love for us—even in the midst of unimaginable tragedy. My heart and prayers are with you.
    Sincerely, Eve Nash

  • Nathan

    sad respect to you :-\

  • Lisa

    Peter,

    May the true grace of our Lord embrace both you and Gayle. You show great humbleness and strength, yet your pain is palpable.

    We may not agree,theologically, on may things, but you have my sincere prayers and well wishes through this awfully, awfully difficult time.

    Lisa

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